A Rumple For Every Lass
by Snapegirlkmf
Summary: Storybrooke is about to collide with the outside world when a well known Hollywood actor starts filming a movie not far from the town line and is unprepared when the actor's headstrong grandmother and equally headstrong daughter invade the town, sparking a battle of wills and wit with Storybrooke's resident sorcerer, Rumplestiltskin Gold and his outspoken little niece, Regina!
1. Chapter 1

**A Rumple For Every Lass**

**A Gold Standard/Lost Gold Chronicles story**

**By Snapegirlkmf and CJ Moliere**

**A/N: this fic is a story written by both me and my friend and co-author, it will feature both GS Rumple and baby Regina and Granny and two of her OC's, Fiona and Cattie, as well as a slight feature of her Gold Chronicles Rumple. Two parallel universes collide in an unexpected meeting between two feisty ladies and an unsuspecting Mr. Gold and toddler Regina. Enjoy, dearies!**

_Storybrooke, Maine_

_Present day,_

_Gold Standard AU:_

"Wasn't that the bestest movie, Unca Rumple?" Regina asked as she tugged on her uncle, pawnbroker and sorcerer, Mr. Gold's hand as they walked down the street to Granny's diner.

Rumple smiled down at the tot as they went along, thinking the child was almost too smart for being only three-and-a-half years old. They had just seen the animated Disney movie _Frozen_, which portrayed the story of the Snow Queen, in a way, and was about two sisters, Anna and Elsa, finding each other again and becoming a family. Rumple had enjoyed the movie, mostly because of the important message it portrayed to children—that of a strong desire and love for family. The sorcerer was one of the most family orientated people in Storybrooke, which was a good thing, since he was related to over half of the most influential people in town, and was recently the father of twins as well.

"It was very good, Regina," he commented, letting his intrepid outspoken niece skip along beside him. "Now we're going to get some lunch at the diner, since you woke up from your nap too late for us to go before the movie."

"Yay!" Regina cheered, jumping over a crack in the sidewalk. "Don't step on a crack, Unca Rumple! Or you'll break your mommy's back!"

"Okay, dearie," he smirked as he stepped over the crack she had jumped over. "Who taught you that?"

"Uh . . . some kids were singing it when I waited for Mommy at school," she replied, her light-up sneakers flashing as she hopped up and down.

Gold thought it a good thing that Regina hadn't picked up on any other things the school kids had been singing, since she was like a parrot—she saw, heard, and remembered everything, including things she shouldn't. _Especially_ things she shouldn't.

Finally they reached the diner, which was advertising a pastrami reuben special on rye with fries as well as an eggplant parmagiana sub and a kids hot dog with smiley fries and chocolate milk on their specials board outside. Rumple paused to read the board.

"What they got to eat today, Unca Rumple?" Regina asked, wishing she could read.

Rumple read the choices aloud to her. "They have that hot dog you wanted."

Regina clapped her hands. "Goody goody gumdrops! C'mon, Unca Rumple! I'm starvin'!"

"Me too," he agreed, for even though he had shared popcorn with Regina at the theater, along with a bottle of water, it had not been enough to blunt his hunger pangs. And it was two o'clock, rather late for lunch.

He opened the door to the diner and Regina darted inside, running up to the counter and hollering, "Ruby! I'm back!"

There were several people in there and they all grinned and chuckled indulgently when they saw the toddler. Regina had once been the Evil Queen, before agreeing to be deaged as payment for her crimes against the Golds and the residents of Storybrooke almost a year ago, and had no memory of her former self or life at all, starting almost from scratch, as it were. She was the daughter of the mayor, David Nolan, and his wife Mary Margaret, a schoolteacher, who were also Snow White and Prince Charming back in their old realm. David and Snow's eldest daughter, Sheriff Emma Gold, had married Rumple's son, Baelfire, who was a martial arts instructor, making the Charmings related by marriage to him, and thus Regina referred to him as her uncle and Belle, his wife, as her aunt.

Ruby, the town's resident werewolf as well as a waitress, leaned over the counter and smiled at Regina. "Hi, sweetie! How are you?"

"I'm good," Regina said, waving at her. "Unca Rumple and I saw Frozen! It was so cool! And now we's starvin'!"

Ruby laughed at the little girl's declaration. "Well, you've come to the right place to fix that!" She looked over at Rumple. "Your usual table, Rumple?"

Rumple nodded. "Please, Ruby." Then he took Regina by the hand. "Let's go, imp."

Ruby led them over to a corner booth, which was by the window so you could see people coming and going, but was far enough away from most of the patrons so they weren't disturbed if Regina happened to be in a mood and got cranky and loud, as sometimes happened. It was also close by the restrooms, which was a must for his family, who had two pregnant women and a toddler in it. Formerly there had been three, but he had delivered Belle of fraternal twins—Daria and Dylan—just two and a half months ago. So now there was only Emma and recently Snow who were expecting.

"Here, dearie, let me take off your coat," he said to Regina, and helped the child remove her purple fleece jacket and hang it on a hook on the wall next to his black greatcoat.

Regina hopped up into the booth, and though he could have sat across from her, Gold chose to sit next to her, since he could keep a better watch on her that way.

"Do you know what you'd like to order?" Ruby asked, holding a pad and pencil in her hand.

"Yes, we do," answered Rumple. "I'd like the pastrami on rye special, with Russian dressing and extra sauerkraut, and a pickle on the side as well as French fries. And Regina would like the kids hot dog platter."

"Coming right up!" Ruby said. "And what would you like to drink, Mr. Gold?"

"Coffee's good," he replied. "And chocolate milk for Regina."

"Do I gets ice cream with my lunch?" Regina queried. "I want a chocolate sundae with whipped cream n' sprinkles n' a cherry on top."

Rumple cocked an eyebrow at her. "Now, what's my rule, dearie?"

"Uh . . . I gots to eat most or all my lunch b'fore I can have dessert," Regina recited the familiar litany.

"Then there's your answer," he said.

"I'll bring her some crayons and a picture to color," Ruby said, knowing how Regina got bored in the space of three minutes.

"Thanks," Gold said gratefully.

Ruby went to put the order in to the kitchen and fetch their drinks and the promised crayons and picture.

Soon she returned with Gold's coffee, Regina's chocolate milk in a covered cup with a straw, and the crayons and picture of a cat and a dog for Regina to color.

As the toddler colored, Gold fixed his coffee and slowly sipped it while looking out the window, thinking it was a lovely day for March, cool and not too windy.

**Page~*~*~*~*~Break**

_Meanwhile-in another world-_

_Ballyloch Castle_

Perth, Scotland

_Gold Chronicles AU:_

"Jamie...lad...you're breaking up. Can't you get somewhere where your signal isn't shite?" Fiona MacTavish McDermott demanded of her grandson while she was speaking to him on her landline phone from her office while his mother, Catriona, sat at their desk working on something on the computer. "Now, that's much better. Of course Mum and I will come to see you on your birthday. You do have your sister with you, don't you? Good lad. You'd be getting a wallop with The Bruiser if you didn't. We'll be seeing you soon. Here's your Mum."

Fiona handed the phone to her daughter.

"Hello, sweetie."

"Hi, Mum," Jamie McDermott greeted his mother warmly. "I'm shooting in Maine and there's a town near where I'm filming that you can stay at, I think."

"What do you mean you think? Why wouldn't we?" Catriona asked.

"Ummm...I don't think they like the idea of us being here."

"That's ridiculous. Why wouldn't they?"

"I just get that impression. I'm used to it when I'm shooting on location. I actually find it more comforting than being stalked by crazed fans."

Catriona laughed. "What can I say? I have a gorgeous son and the women love him."

"Mum!"

"Oh, all right. Well, Mum and I have to get a flight scheduled. You can find us a place to stay when we get there, all right."

"Will do. Love you, Mum."

"Love you too, baby."

While her daughter was talking to Jamie, Fiona went up to her room to pack. She glanced over at a framed photograph beside her bed and picked it up, sniffling. "Ah, Ian darling, I wish you could see this...our little Jamie a famous actor. Remember how we used to talk about going to the States? Never quite got around to it, did we?"

She sat down and cradled the photograph in her hands, tears falling from her eyes. "Dammit...thirty years and it still hurts! You always told me I was gonna outlive you and don't think I've enjoyed it, old man! There is NO other man like you and there never will be! Not in a million years!" She lifted the photograph up and kissed it, tucking it into her suitcase, unable to bear leaving it behind. No matter where she went, her husband would always go with her.

Fiona had just finished packing her suitcases when she heard the tapping of a cane in her doorway and smiled when she was face to face with the only man who looked exactly like her Ian and even had some of his personality traits due to the the fact that they were very distant cousins. She'd suspected as much the moment they met at her granddaughter's wedding in Miami years ago but none of them actually got around to finding out for certain until recently but even without the familial connection, Fiona was glad to call Rumplestilskin Strogoff Gold her best friend. She wasn't surprised he'd come calling either and unlike her other friends, he could appear in Scotland without having to use transportation due to his magic. He was holding a elegantly decorated box with the symbol of a falcon holding crossed staffs in its claws, the Strogoff family crest.

"I don't like the idea of you travelling alone, Fie," he said softly.

"We've done it before, lad," she pointed out.

"Still I want you to have some form of protection in case anything happens." He opened the box and took out two tear shaped pendants suspended from fine gold chains. One held a ruby gem, another an emerald. The ruby one was Aramon's Talisman, a stone that gave the wearer the ability to render any magical being powerless temporarily or permanently if placed over the heart. It also acted as a countermeasure against any magical defense. The second stone, called the Strogoff Emerald had the ability to restore magic removed by Aramon's Talisman as well as many other uses, among those finding that which one has lost. Rumple released the box and it hovered in the air before him. He took out Aramon's Talisman and carefully fastened it around the older woman's neck. "To activate it, speak the name of the one you want to weaken and their powers will be bound...for several hours I believe. At least that's what happens when I have Henry use it on me so that I'm not tempted to use magic as a crutch when I get into a situation I should be able to handle better without it."

Fiona frowned. "Ah lad, you don't give yourself enough credit...still and I think your lassie ought to borrow my Bruiser and wallop your backside a good one!" she threatened.

He laughed. "Oh, don't tempt her. She just might."

"Not that I'd need it. I'd just wallop you with my bare hand," she said and stepped behind him, smacking his backside for emphasis.

He laughed again. "Still as shameless as ever. Thank the gods Belle is used to it otherwise I'd find myself out on my backside! But I'm serious, Fie. I don't want anything to happen to you or Cattie. Where is, she by the way? Her room?"

Fiona nodded. He followed her down the hall to Catriona's room.

"Rum, when did you get here!" she cried excitedly and threw her arms around him. "Been holding out on me again, Mum!" she scolded.

"I've done nothing of the kind. He just popped in."

"I've brought you and Fie the talisman and emerald to take with you as protection on your trip."

"We won't be far from Storybrooke. What's wrong? Do you think something will happen?" She and her mother were both aware that while he was under a curse he'd been able to see the future. Once the curse was broken he no longer had visions but he was still able to sense when something was amiss.

"No, but Belle and I are going to be here in Europe on some buying expeditions for the shop for several weeks...and I worry, that's all."

"Well, stop. We'll be fine and we can always go to Storybrooke if we need anything."

"Yes, the shield will allow you in but even if I didn't enchant it to do so, the talisman would force it to."

"Once we get to Maine, we'll bring these back to Henry so that you don't have to worry about them falling into the wrong hands."

"They wouldn't work for them," he reminded them.

"Good. Now stop being a worrywart and get back to your lassie. While you're over here, take her on a bit of a honeymoon would you! You rarely get to spend enough time alone as it is and if you want another baby, best time to make one, isn't it?"

"I was planning on that anyway," he said with a grin, embracing them before he vanished in a puff of smoke.

Fiona never enjoyed flying. It wasn't just that she was terrified of heights but she'd heard too may stories of planes crashing or being hijacked and unfortunately she did not have her Bruiser with her. It was a thick wooden paddle her father carved himself and she'd gotten quite a few swats with it when she was a lass, her father always telling her that it hurt him worse to use it on her than it hurt her receiving a swat from it. Nowadays she kept it mostly for show but if she'd been allowed to carry it on the plane and anyone tried to harm her or her daughter, they'd find out the hard way the old lady still had some fight left in her. Once they were in their seats, Fiona reached into her purse and took out her bottle of sleeping pills. She swallowed one and kissed her daughter's cheek.

Cattie passed the time reading a magazine, smiling when she found an article featuring her son. He'd been nominated for an Oscar the previous year and was on People's list of the Sexiest Men Alive too. This latest project, a romantic comedy didn't sound like Oscar material but he'd read the script and loved it. That was what made him chose a part, not whether it would be a hit or earn him the statuette. He put his heart and soul into everything he did and she couldn't be more proud of him. She only wished the man who helped make him would at least make an effort to claim him but she'd given up on that years ago. He was still married and had another family in Edinburgh. As far as he was concerned, Catriona, Jamie and his sister Channon meant nothing to him. Oddly enough her mother had been in the same situation with her father years before but unlike her childrens' father, Ian McDermott didn't have children with his first wife, he was just miserable. It had taken him five years and her mother telling him she was pregnant for him to find the courage to do the right thing.

Jamie had a limo bring them to the film set. Many opposed to the crew being there as he said and quite a few overly eager fans and Fiona wasn't fond of the lodgings the production company wanted them to stay in.

"Oh, the hell with this! Let's go to Storybrooke, Cattie. At least I know at Granny's we have clean rooms to sleep in and good food, even haggis! You know I have to have my haggis."

"Yes, Mum." Cattie said and cringed. She couldn't stand the stuff but her mother, a tried and true Scotswoman, ate it faithfully. They said a quick goodbye to Jamie and rented a car to take them into Storybrooke.

Except while they were driving there, something happened.

**A/N: you'll see how Fiona and Cattie get to the GS AU next chapter! For more on CJ Moliere's Gold Chronicles AU, check out my Favorite Authors page for her, they're wonderful! Also, this story takes place after my GS stories Golden Miracles and Child's Play: Baby Regal's Revenge.**


	2. Chapter 2

**2**

The two women knew something was wrong the minute they crossed the town line. They hadn't been in Storybrooke in almost a month but they did know it was May there and there shouldn't have been snow on the ground. There was snow on the ground, plenty of it...as well as ice. It looked as if a blizzard swept through the town but that wasn't the only thing diferent. Cattie brought the car to a stop. She'd been through some harsh winters in the Scottish Highlands and this reminded her of it.

"Cattie, my girl, what's wrong?" Fiona asked worriedly.

Cattie didn't answer. She got out of the car and looked to the side, nearly slipping on a patch of ice because her attention was focused on surveying the now unfamilliar surroundings. She could have believed they weren't in Storybrooke but right in front of her was Rum's shop...at least the way it looked before according to some old photographs they'd seen. She heard the car door close behind her and her mother approached, equally stunned and also freezing since neither of them were properly dressed for this weather.

"Mum...this may sound strange...but...I think we somehow ended up in the past!" Cattie cried. "Look! Our pendants! They're glowing!" she gestured toward the talisman and emerald. "They did this...but why?"

"Good God!" Fiona exclaimed and dug through her purse for her cellphone. "I'm calling Rum. Maybe he can tell us how to get out of here. Dammit! I'm not getting any kind of signal! Can you, Cattie, my girl?"

"No!" she groaned in frustration. "But...maybe.." She removed emerald pendant and cupped it in her palm, recalling how Rum's cousin Azkadellia had used it to locate him six years before. "Find Rumplestiltskin," she commanded it and released it, praying Rum was right and the stone would work for them as he'd promised. The pendant hovered in the air and floated in front of them, leading them down the street in the direction of Granny's Diner. Cattie reached for the pendant and put the necklace back on once they were standing at the front door.

"Cattie...maybe we shouldn't." Fiona said.

"What do you mean, Mum?"

"If we're in the past, that means Rum doesn't know about us...or these, at least that they belong to him!" she said, indicating the two pendants. "What if...we...mess something up in the future?"

Cattie sighed. "Then who are we going to tell him we are, Mum?"

"Well, that's easy enough. They should know who Jamie is at least. Rum said the town had a bit of knowledge of the modern world during the curse."

"Is that what time you think we're in...during the curse?" Cattie inquired.

"Yes...and Regina was a bitch then so be ready. She tries anything and I'm using this on her!" Fiona threatened, holding up the ruby. "And if we're going to be here a while, we'd better get a room. Hopefully, Granny will accomodate us."

Somehow Cattie doubted that. She remembered Rum telling her they were all leery of outsiders during and after the curse, especially after that business with Greg, Tamara and the Father From Neverhell as Emma referred to that twisted little bastard Peter Pan.

The two women could feel all eyes on them when they walked into the diner. They knew they looked out of place in their spring clothing and even more so wearing two necklaces that had glowing gems on them. They were also outsiders, a possible threat. Still they hoped the past Storybrooke residents would at least make some attempt to be friendly otherwise they would find out quickly that Fiona MacTavish McDermott may be an eighty-eight year old lady but she was still a force to be reckoned with and she'd taught her only child all her tricks. Adding to their anxiety, they couldn't see Rum. Fiona put on her best smile and they approached the counter to speak to Granny.

"Hello. My daughter and I just arrived in town and we were wondering: would you have an available room for us to stay in while my grandson's movie is filming?" she asked while Cattie braced herself for the storm that was certain to come if Granny refused her mother's request. The two of them were good friends in the future since their tempers were basically the same but Fiona was a Highlander lass and she gave as good as she got, sometimes better and God help you if you tried matching wits with her.

The longer Cattie stood there and thought, the more she started to think that perhaps they weren't in Storybrooke's past at all but a different Storybrooke! That would explain some of the differences she was seeing in the surroundings more than being sent into the past. Rum had told them before travelling into the past was not possible, she'd just forgotten it until now. Her family had been exposed to the paranormal all their lives and had an open mind about magic even before Rum came into their lives. Her father believed in alternate worlds and Rum was living proof of it. His maternal ancestor Ivan Strogoff, later named Aramon by the Ozian goddess Lurline who took him for her consort, and his paternal ancestor Alexander McDermott had both crossed worlds through an accident with their magic, Ivan ending up in Oz and Alexander in the Enchanted Forest, setting in motion the chain of events that would result in Rum's birth.

_I wonder if this Rum is as spicy as ours,_ she thought with a grin and rubbed her hands together with glee. _And this time there won't a Channon to warn him to watch his ass...and mean it literally_.

"We don't have any vacancies," Granny was saying firmly, obviously feeling threatened by them.

"What the bloody hell do you mean we can't stay here? I've read the bloody sign and it says you have vacancies! You always do!" Fiona shouted. "And this is the closest lodgings to where my grandson is filming. If this is how you treat visitors it's no damned wonder this town looks like it's years behind the times!"

"Then why don't you just leave!"

"Oh, no! I am NOT going anywhere!" Fiona raged. "Well, what's it gonna be, you bat?"

"How dare you.." Granny sputtered.

"I dare quite a bit. You have no idea who you're dealing with. I am Fiona MacTavish McDermott and this godforasken hole would only be two rooms in my castle in Scotland! You're lucky I don't have my Bruiser with you because believe me, I'd wallop your backside for good measure too!"

Cattie was occupied with her own thoughts and she hadn't realized her mother and Granny were in the midst of a very heated argument until she saw her target coming towards them to see what was going on. She rubbed her hands again, barely able to contain her excitement at the thought of how shocked this Rum was going to be when he found himself being given the MacTavish test of a man's personality, a good swat...right across the backside! They weren't known as the Backside Bandits for nothing!

Rumple looked up from where he was calmly sipping his coffee, sensing something was amiss over at the reservation desk. People were whispering and staring uneasily at two unfamiliar women dressed oddly enough in clothes that were for warm spring weather, and one of them looked to be older than Granny!

_What on earth?_ he thought, eyeing them. And then he sensed magic . . . unfamiliar magic and he swore under his breath. Cora! What if she had managed to slip underneath his radar, beneath the protective screen he had and come into Storybrooke? Or maybe these were some of her emissaries, sent to scout since Jimmy hadn't returned? _Better get your ass over there, Gold, he told himself. Before something happens._

"Unca Rumple, who are those old people?" Regina asked.

"I think they're lost. And I'm going to see if I can help them out," he replied to her, thinking he'd be sending them on a one way trip back to Fairy Tale Land all right. "Now you stay right here, Regina, and wait for Ruby to bring you your hot dog, okay? _Stay here_, am I understood?" and he accompanied the quietly voice command with one his famous Looks.

The child sighed. But she knew better than to disobey her uncle when he gave her one of _those_ looks. "O-kay! I'll color the puppy for ya."

"You do that, imp," he said, then turned and walked purposefully towards the women, praying he wouldn't have a magical duel right there in the damn diner. There were too many people around, especially children. He mentally calculated how quickly he could take out the two to avoid collateral damage as he came up to them.

"Excuse me, Granny. Is there some kind of trouble over here?" he inquired silkily. He eyed the two women sharply. They _looked_ harmless, but Rumple knew that could be a trick. "Ladies, you don't seem to be from around here. Are you lost? My name is Mr. Gold, perhaps I can give you directions so you can get where you're going?" he said, using his most polite tones, but with a hint of warning in them. He smiled at them, his reserved smirk, as Belle called it.

Fiona smiled. At least one thing was still the same. He was as handsome in the past as he was in the future and it was good to see his spice was still there. She could see Cattie moving behind him, her head ready to deliver the smack. "No, we're not lost lad, but I think it will take more than directions to get us where we want to go," she said softly. Good Lord, why was it that those damned McDermott and Strogoff men made her lose her wits the minute she looked in those brown eyes of theirs? She could almost hear her Ian laughing at her. Even her damned heart was fluttering just as it had the day of her granddaughter's wedding and she'd seen Rum coming down the aisle to sit beside her, his lassie Belle on his arm. Channon had warned her he looked like Ian but it was still a shock to see it.

"He's not OUR Rum Mum. He's a different one," Cattie whispered to her mother.

"What?" Fiona gasped.

"Don't you remember what he said? We can't cross time with magic...but we can cross worlds. This isn't our world at all...past or future."

"Well then..." Fiona purred as she circled around him. "Let's just see how much like our Rum he is, Cattie, my girl. You know what to do," she added with a smirk.

Cattie seized her opportunity. She swung her hand out and it came into contact with flesh, nice, firm flesh. She grinned. "Oh yes, just as spicy as ours is," she murmured, giving him a slight pinch as well and wondering if he wore leather as well as their Rum did. They'd made their Rum wear his black dragonscale outfit to dance with them as payment on a deal they struck to make the drunken wedding party guests clean up the mess they'd made in his living room after the reception. The two women came through and earned themselves two dances each with the sorcerer. It was one of the happiest moments in their lives, for in a way, Ian had come back to them.

Rumple's eyes widened and he thought, startled, _did she just smack my ass? Hells bells, yes, and **pinched **it too! _He wasn't sure whether to be flattered or offended until he realized one important thing, neither of these women were dark witches. Just normal feisty ladies, and his lips quirked up in a rare roguish smirk. Then he turned and said to Cattie, "Sorry, dearie, but I'm happily married," and he waggled his left hand at her, with his wedding ring on it. "But I haven't been propositioned like this since I danced at Ella's wedding and she pinched me and said it was too bad Thomas didn't wear leather pants like that! It was lucky her husband didn't see what was going on or they'd have been divorced before sundown." He gave Fiona a wink as well.

Just then a little voice growled from behind them, "Hey! You don't hit MY Unca Rumple! Cause I'm gonna under arrest you and karate chop you ass!"

Rumple groaned and looked behind him. There was Regina, glaring fit to kill at the newcomers, holding a butter knife in her little hand.

Cattie turned around, astounded by what she was seeing. "Mum...do I need glasses or is that...Regina?!" she asked her mother who was as equally shocked as she was. They'd both seen portraits of Regina as a child and she looked just like the little girl behind this Rumplestiltskin, giving them one of her Evil Queen looks and armed with a butter knife. Fiona blinked as well.

"Unca Rumple?" Fiona gasped and started cackling. "Oh my God! You're her UNCLE? How in the hell did THAT happen, lad?"

"T..That's what I'd like to know!" Cattie giggled and kneeled down to face little Regina. "You're going to under arrest me? Well...if your uncle comes with me in the cell in a nice pair of leather pants, I'll go quietly. No need to karate chop me."

"Oh no, Cattie my girl, you're not having him all to yourself!" Fiona warned. "Unless his lassie has any objections. Please tell me your lassie is Belle and not Cora otherwise I'm going to wallop your backside a good one!" she said to Rumple. "Not that I wouldn't mind doing it now. As a matter of fact, I will, married or not!"

"Have at it Mum!" Cattie called out and moved out of the way to give her mother a clean shot. Fiona happily obliged, taking her shot. "The third best backside in the two worlds. Good to see some things don't change. Now, if my girl and I could get a dance out of you, that'd be even better, unless your lassie objects but if she's anything like our Belle, she won't mind sharing. If it's Cora...well, then we're going to have a little talk about why you would even think about being happily married to that witch!"

"No, we won't. We'll just use that on her and break what spell she has on him," Cattie said, indicating Aramon's Talisman.

"Lassie," Fiona said gently as she also tried to kneel to the child's level, difficult at her advanced age. "We're not hurting your Uncle Rumple, just playing with him so you don't need to beat me up, all right? Besides, I'm sure your uncle has told you it's not nice to hit old ladies."

Cattie chuckled. "Rum and Gina are NOT gonna believe this! Neither is Belle for that matter. She's devious even as a little girl."

"Like I said...some things don't change."

Rumple didn't even bat an eyelash at the second swat, finding it highly amusing that an elderly lady would even consider him attractive, as he still had something of a self-confidence problem. However, he did wish to set the ladies straight on a few things, as well as Regina.

He cleared his throat and said softly, "Bite your tongue, madam, if you'd even consider me being married to Cora Miller, that harpy witch! I'd sooner be married to Medusa! No, my wife is named Belle, and while I'm related to Regina by marriage, it's through her elder sister Emma marrying my son Baelfire Gold, but it's easier on Regina if she considers me her uncle. Now, it would seem you're somewhat acquainted with me, though I don't know you. So, might I suggest we go and sit down over there and clear up a few things over lunch?"

Then he turned to Regina and said sternly, "Young lady, give me that knife immediately! Where in God's name did you get it from anyway?"

Regina bit her lip and handed him the butter knife. "Uh, from over there," she pointed to the small waitress' station where the coffee pots were and the extra napkins and silverware.

Rumple frowned at her. "And are you supposed to touch knives, Regina Nolan?"

"But . . . Unca Rumple, she was hurting you-"

"Answer me, minx. Yes or no?"

"No," she responded sulkily.

"Then next time look with your eyes and not your hands. And furthermore, you know better than to threaten to karate chop anybody. Especially a grown-up," he scolded.

"She SMACKED you!" the child declared stubbornly. "Nobody's allowed to hit you!"

Rumple sighed, and picked her up, walking a little ways away so he could speak to her privately. "Listen to me, minx. That was a play smack, like when Auntie Alice smacks me with her dishtowel. It's not meant to hurt me. So there's no need to go on the warpath, Little Mischief. Okay?"

Regina huffed, then muttered, "Okay."

"All right. Now I want you to tell these nice ladies you're sorry for threatening them and then we're going back to our table and eating lunch."

"Do I HAVE to?"

"Well, that depends. You can say you're sorry and eat lunch with us, or you can get a swat and time out instead. Your choice, dearie."

Regina sulked for a moment. Then she shook her head rapidly, one hand creeping back to cover her bottom. "No spanking, Unca Rumple. I'll be good."

"That's my girl," he praised. Then he turned and walked back to where Cattie and Fiona were standing. "My niece has something she would like to say to you. Regina?"

"I sorry for saying I was gonna karate chop you," she said contritely. Then she added, somewhat defiantly, "But Jimmy said he was gonna karate chop Bae the other day, because Bae was being a pain in the butt."

Rumple sighed and rolled his eyes. "It looks like I'm going to have another talk with Jimmy about watching what he says around you."

"Uh oh. Jimmy's in trouble," Regina muttered. "Whatcha gonna do to him, Unca Rumple?"

"Never you mind. You just worry about yourself, Miss Big Mouth Bossypants," he retorted.

The two women glanced at each other and laughed again. She had their Regina's spirit all right but they were confused as to how Snow and David ended up being her parents in this world. It was something they were going to have to ask this Rumple but felt it would be better not to do so around the little girl as it would probably confuse her. Big Mouth Bossypants was the perfect nickname for this Regina. Their Regina they called whatever deemed appropriate for the occasion.

"Oh, no harm done lassie, although like your uncle says, it's dangerous to play with knives." Fiona said gently. "You don't mind me calling you lassie do you? I'm an old Scotswoman and every girl's a lassie to me, even my own Cattie at her age."

"Rumple...what we have to tell you...some of it you may not want the little one to hear," Cattie said. "But that's entirely up to you. Let me begin by saying that we're from another world and somehow we ended up in this Storybrooke instead of the one we usually visit. I think it's because of the pendants we're wearing. You should be able to sense they're not a form of magic you're used to." Cattie laughed nervously. "I'm supposed to be descended from a line of Scotch Irish sorcerers and I haven't the slightest idea how to even use magic but my very distant cousin who is you in our world and has the same name, only he goes by Rumplestiltskin Strogoff Gold, knows how because he descends from a line of Russian, Scotch-Irish Ozian magicians. As for the rest of this...we DO need to sit down because this is very long story."

"And I'm famished. Wouldn't happen to have haggis here, would you lad?" Fiona inquired.

"I'd sooner eat dirt!" Cattie muttered.

"You ate it when you were a child and so did your father!" Fiona reminded her.

"Umm...no we didn't Mum. We fed it to the dog when you weren't looking."

"Shameful, both of you! Well, let's eat. I want to hear this handsome lad's story as well," Fiona said with a twinkle in her eye.


End file.
